i asked:
i hope it will take very long
before i find you

but there you were. almost instantly.

we will die

we will live
and the time in between
is for us to take

now i ask you:
grant me this


hij heeft zijn stem
achtergelaten in mijn hoofd
en sommige van zijn geluiden
en zijn warmte
voelen net als toen ik voor het eerst
een bed deelde
met een man
het snurken,
wat later over zou gaan
in een laatste haperende adem.
ik kon het lang niet meer aanhoren
van anderen
die sliepen
nu slapen we samen
en rust ik volledig
in zijn armen
ik weet niet of hij weet
dat ik kind ben
dat ik oneindig jong ben
dat hij mij heeft
nu, hier
in zijn essentie van rust


inside a glacier
in search of connection
i placed both my hands
on a wall of ice
as if embracing it
and then pressed my forehead against it as well
until i could i feel the ice melt against my skin
and the water slowly dripped down my face
holy water i said
in the name of the father, and of the son
et spiritus sancti
i heard footsteps approaching me
and someone laughed
i turned around
i tried to explain what i just experienced to people i did not know
and knew how foolish i seemed to them
but i am a blessed fool
looking for god in all the seemingly wrong places

fullest moon

i am become thee,
planet of madness
ruler of water
and all men
and animals
i am become thee,
shining forth out of every atom
as i learned light years ago
when i was but a star
i am with you
as i am you
as you, somehow,
reminded me
of the truth
of my heart


every time a dog dies, a kitten gets born


but i am become death
and dog and kitten
and was born


a million times before
i learned how to kiss you goodnight

two bodies

we are two bodies
floating in an ocean of blood
everybody else perceives as water

and in the moonless night
all of us are correct
we play in the dark water
smile and gulp tiny bits
then spit

we bleed into the water

seemingly accidentally
i swallow some of yours

then dive under

a final point in the space-time future
will determine our present

we know where we are headed
so we know where we are

two bodies
floating free in an ocean of blood


he said he had never told anyone about me
as if what happened between us never really happened
or that it was a separate reality, a dream
i said i liked that idea, of it being lived in a different world
one that only we knew of
and it might have never happened
but it did

he slowly moved his hands across his face
i knew he felt sort of uncomfortable
he said he had thought of all the things he wanted to tell me on his way here
and that now he did not know what to say
i said it didnt matter
as he looked at the bruises in my neck
and he asked if i was seeing anyone
i said i was in love

i accidentally slammed the door shut
when i left
and walked back to who i belong to
my shadow sliding over the pavement ahead of me,
we were only meant to create an alternate universe
which was never perfect, but is forever an infinitely beautiful thing in itself

sitting there in the memory of the world
we are
talking about the hidden powers of the subconscious

sweet fools

if chance is nature’s will

if chance is nature’s will

lately i often find myself imagining the sensation of exploding. not the euphoric, ecstatic kind of exploding but the messy, bloody, physical kind. there is this moment – a premonition – i check my surroundings and for a split second wonder if i am still alive. of course every time i am, my body one whole piece, everything completely normal. but in that short moment of doubt it becomes a very realistic possibility. i imagine how fast it would go, how in the blink of an eye everything that occupied my mind would suddenly be pointless, and how the joke would be on me, in the afterlife, my soul returning home, saying i had seen it coming.


“for the greater good”
the serpent hisses

in certain fragments of space/time
this life requires sacrifices
thus i find myself torn
but i keep at it
through cycles of resistance and surrender
until giddy afloat on memories
of a massacre of bliss
i lick my wounds

a harlot

a knight of sorts


we have trouble keeping up
with the beating of our hearts
steady now slow
but we feel it goes too fast
and i laugh at my older self
laughing back at me from the future
there are moments
i really hope to find some kind of
along the way
and then there are moments
everything falls apart
and its okay
everyone always
breathes faster
than i do


the morning light of this winter’s sun
a wise cat and me
reassessing current events
he said i made him feel melancholic
so i tried not to dress myself all in black
but the night ended in us both being sad
which merely reminds me of the fact that everything
is perfect as it is
and does not need altering
in fear of fear of possible fear
for things happen as they must, and will
just like the winter sun confuses the trees
and makes them bloom right before the snow falls
everything happily falls apart to rejoice
and shapes itself around my beliefs
of how we all try our best
to be complete in incompletion

a taste

one’s blood rushes quick and eager to my touch
as if to greet a long lost friend
the longing infinitely longer than the loss,
while the other one bleeds in his sleep
and i dream of a deep dark red iridescent

the gods laugh;
if time is killing
then so are we

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